I'm missing my grandma :') It's been a while since my last visit to Terengganu and I miss my tokwan (my grandma) dearly. She's the angel who shed some light into my life. Her perspectives in life calms me down every time. She's turning 80 this year, and I can't help but wonder how I would cope when the time finally comes for her to go. I still remember when my to'ki (my grandpa) passed away. I was 8 years old and my mom was pregnant with my youngest brother, only 4 days away from labor. To'ki was staying in our house but he didn't look sick at all. I still remember the morning I was supposed to go to school but I didn't want to coz my grandparents were home and I wanted to stay with them. And how to'ki and tokwan coaxed me to go. For some reason I refused to hug to'ki because he didn't give me any tamarind sweets (gula2 asam jawa made in Terengganu). When I came home, mom told me he was admitted into National Heart Institute. And later that evening, my beloved to'ki passed away. No more tamarind sweets from him. Forever. I spent the night waiting around for the coffin, hoping I could get a glimpse of my late grandpa. My parents won't let me though, and I ran upstairs spending time on my own. I was overwhelmed with remorse and guilt. I refused to hug my late grandpa on his last day being alive. But I promised him, I promised myself I wouldn't let him down anymore. He always told me to "belajar pandai2, jaga mama baba, jaga adik2, hormat org tua, jadi org baik. x baik x dpt gula2 asam." I'm trying my best, to'ki. I miss you loads. And your gula2 asam :) Yes, he's the reason behind my love for asam, jeruk and all sour things.
My tokwan never gets mad at her grandchildren. There's 23 of us and 5 great-granchildren. She treated all of us like her own child, fussing around us up and down. Did we have enough food? How's our study? How's life? Did we have boyfriend/girlfriend? And her cooking is the best ever. I personally love the sambal belacan she made. Something so simple, yet so full of love (this sounds corny, I know). And her ikan bakar, no one can top that! She's always calm and collected, one of the reason why I feel so at ease with her. Me, being a rebel since I was a kid, often seek solace in the company of tokwan. When my parents were mad at me, she would talk to me nicely without nagging or showing signs of disapproval. I just love my tokwan, she got so much love. And this song, Angel sang by Robbie William (I'm not a big fan of Jessica Simpson's version, hurt my ears xP) is very fitting and never fails to remind me of my grandparents love.
"And through it all, she offers me protection. A lot of love and affection, whether I'm right or wrong" Robbie Williams - Angel
